Dewy Knickers Reports

As many of you may know already, “Oh! Alberto!” was the first time my voice was heard in print. June 14th, 2006 was when Dewy Knickers started to become a real woman. I followed this up with another report called “Fire Down Below” on June 28th, 2006 that was also posted on Brian’s blog. I invented the HBNN network, (The Hysterical Blogger News Network), in order to have a venue to create. Shortly there after, Brian made a blog for me, and the rest just followed.

I haven’t written much more about HBNN since I became Rose, and then Rose Dewy Knickers, but for the this week’s Sunday Scribblings prompt In The News, this is a perfect prompt for Dewy Knickers to report again. The characters that follow are in the previous stories as well.

“Welcome to the HBNN evening news. This is your anchorman, Helmut Hair.”
“And I am Dewy Knickers, filling in for Chesty House.”
“Today’s lead story is the tragic case of the little lost pussy that has been spotted roaming the streets of Beverly Hills. It is reportedly wearing a $100,000 gold and diamond collar made by the renowned jeweler to the stars.”
“That’s right Helmut, like so many other lost pussies in Tinseltown, this is yet another cautionary tail, get it, tail?”
“Very funny Dewy, you get more humorous by the pound.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean Helmut? Are you implying that my famous rounded assets are getting too much?”
“I would never imply anything Dewy. It’s just that since you moved from field reporting, you have gotten a little slack around the edges. After all, you aren’t getting any younger.”
“Thank you for your concern Helmut, perhaps you could recommend a good rehab facility; since you are so familiar with them.”

“I’ll keep that in mind Dewy. Now on to the next story tonight. The top rock group, “Eat Me”, just announced a new world tour designed, in the words of their spokesperson, “to bring awareness to the crisis of underprivileged children.”
“It says here Helmut, that the lack of sufficient access to the latest technology is hurting the self esteem of our children. He goes on to say, ” the facts are that too many of our families are unable to afford the latest games, computers and phones. These so called gadgets are essential to the happiness of our youth.”
“Well read Dewy, I can barely hear your lisp anymore.”
“Why thank you Helmut, are you still walking funny?”
“No, the bruises are almost gone.”

“Our final story tonight is some welcome news. Based on the most recent scientific research, funded by the fast food industry, it has been finally proven that fat has no calories.”
“That’s amazing news Dewy, and a very hopeful sign, that realistic studies are now being done that take into account the fact that triple size portions are here to stay.”
“Well Helmut, this has been another report by The Hysterical Blogger News Network.”
“Thank you Dewy, this has been Helmut Hair, and remember, our motto will always be, At HBNN, no problem is too small to hype. Thank you and good night.”

By Rose Dewy Knickers 4/6/2007


20 thoughts on “Dewy Knickers Reports

  1. Ah, good ol’ Helmut Hair is back! Was it the aerosol that sent him to rehab? It’s powerful stuff! LOL

    How dare he make fun of your lovely rounded assets!

    Just what I needed, a good laugh! Thanks Rose! D ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. glad to see you back on the news trail!! your spin on it and of course Hemuts’ makes it almost palatable..glad to see you back and being your fun loving you.. m
    p.s. Carol said she wouldn’t miss lunch for the world…she sends her love..see ya girlfriend..m

  3. Oh my, I read it all and the links included, be back to comment this weekend, my 587 photos just finished downloading and I forgot to put it on auto delete, so now I have to manually delete them all, once I figure it out. Tulip festival tomorrow, need an empty camera.

  4. ((((Diane))))

    You are most welcome to the laughter. We’re going to have so much fun making my face. ๐Ÿ˜€


    Can’t wait. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Can’t you just see me doing the news? Give all the mucky mucks a heart attack. ๐Ÿ˜›


    Take your time, I’m not going anywhere. ๐Ÿ™‚



  5. Hey, you reminded me. I must move my pants from the washer over to the dryer or I will end up with some Dewy Knickers as well.

    Loved the post and the idea……and will probably be stealing it soon! LOL

  6. Nutster,

    Just remember, HBNN is copyrighted to me. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the visit.


    That’s cause people don’t want to hear the truth.


    Thank you, all this beauty and brains too. ๐Ÿ˜‰


    That’s right, don’t go messing with Dewy. She’ll take you down. ๐Ÿ˜†



  7. Hi Rose: This is my first visit to your blog, but I’ll be back! You are obviously are very talented writer with much to say.

  8. I know I’m a little late– but so glad I am! I’m so sick, and feel like crap, and DEFINITELY needed this laugh! You always make me smile, girl– thanks! *hugs and love*

  9. Hi Rel,

    Been busy today, I think I’ll try a career on the stage. ๐Ÿ˜‰


    Welcome to my blog, and thank you for your comment.


    Hope you are feeling better soon. I love your smile. ๐Ÿ˜€



  10. Rose,
    I’m laughing hiss-stare(ically), not that I’d stare at your assets. (Yes, I’d take a peek. I’m very visual: an artist you know. Not an art-tease—- well sometime, but I digress.)
    So cre-ATE-ive a post. I don’t think it was HARD for you to CUM up with this captivating Art-Tickle.
    The Hysterical Blogger Network News cracks me up. You’re a wonder with words as well as I hear in the boudoir. (That rock group, “eat me” (HAHAHAHAH or mmmmmmm!)…uh, has loose lips so I heard about you.
    Wonderful Sun.Scribs post!
    Art-Tease-Stick GeL

  11. I’m back, you said you weren’t going anywhere, but for all practical purposes you are! However, Dewey Knickers interviews will be a joy to read, how could they not, what with the personalities and motto combined.

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