Dewy Knickers Reports

As many of you may know already, “Oh! Alberto!” was the first time my voice was heard in print. June 14th, 2006 was when Dewy Knickers started to become a real woman. I followed this up with another report called “Fire Down Below” on June 28th, 2006 that was also posted on Brian’s blog. I invented the HBNN network, (The Hysterical Blogger News Network), in order to have a venue to create. Shortly there after, Brian made a blog for me, and the rest just followed.

I haven’t written much more about HBNN since I became Rose, and then Rose Dewy Knickers, but for the this week’s Sunday Scribblings prompt In The News, this is a perfect prompt for Dewy Knickers to report again. The characters that follow are in the previous stories as well.

“Welcome to the HBNN evening news. This is your anchorman, Helmut Hair.”
“And I am Dewy Knickers, filling in for Chesty House.”
“Today’s lead story is the tragic case of the little lost pussy that has been spotted roaming the streets of Beverly Hills. It is reportedly wearing a $100,000 gold and diamond collar made by the renowned jeweler to the stars.”
“That’s right Helmut, like so many other lost pussies in Tinseltown, this is yet another cautionary tail, get it, tail?”
“Very funny Dewy, you get more humorous by the pound.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean Helmut? Are you implying that my famous rounded assets are getting too much?”
“I would never imply anything Dewy. It’s just that since you moved from field reporting, you have gotten a little slack around the edges. After all, you aren’t getting any younger.”
“Thank you for your concern Helmut, perhaps you could recommend a good rehab facility; since you are so familiar with them.”

“I’ll keep that in mind Dewy. Now on to the next story tonight. The top rock group, “Eat Me”, just announced a new world tour designed, in the words of their spokesperson, “to bring awareness to the crisis of underprivileged children.”
“It says here Helmut, that the lack of sufficient access to the latest technology is hurting the self esteem of our children. He goes on to say, ” the facts are that too many of our families are unable to afford the latest games, computers and phones. These so called gadgets are essential to the happiness of our youth.”
“Well read Dewy, I can barely hear your lisp anymore.”
“Why thank you Helmut, are you still walking funny?”
“No, the bruises are almost gone.”

“Our final story tonight is some welcome news. Based on the most recent scientific research, funded by the fast food industry, it has been finally proven that fat has no calories.”
“That’s amazing news Dewy, and a very hopeful sign, that realistic studies are now being done that take into account the fact that triple size portions are here to stay.”
“Well Helmut, this has been another report by The Hysterical Blogger News Network.”
“Thank you Dewy, this has been Helmut Hair, and remember, our motto will always be, At HBNN, no problem is too small to hype. Thank you and good night.”

By Rose Dewy Knickers 4/6/2007

xo

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