Do you put walls up? Do you shut people out because it’s safer that way?

I find the most fascinating aspect of blogging to be the many different ways that people blog. The level of interaction with comments and posts. The friends that you make. Some are friends who only comment once in awhile. Some are friends you start email relationships with and some progress to phone calls and meeting in person.

I’ve always accepted people at face value, I’ve learned that from Brian. That doesn’t mean I don’t realize that many people don’t understand me and have no interest in my life.

So what makes a wall? What reasons do we have for pushing people away?

Is trust a bad thing?

If I ask you to be my friend, what does that mean to you?

When you say you want me to be your friend, what are your expectations of me?

In other words, are blogging friendships different that real life friendships? If we never talk in person. If we never meet in person. If we never progress beyond daily or weekly visits and comments does that mean we are still friends?

This is difficult for me at times, simply because I’m not always around. You can’t call me up to chat unless I’m home. I can’t answer your email unless I am home. I don’t work, but I am stuck at Brian’s work fifty hours a week.

I blog because without blogging, my voice would be so very faint. I blog because I want to be friends with as many people as possible. I want to be your friend and it’s ok if it’s on your terms. But remember, please tell me when I am facing a wall, it will make both our lives so much easier.




19 thoughts on “Walls

  1. rose,, i am the kind of blogger friend,, that will read and comment,, maybe send an email or two,, but i highly doubt i will ever call anyone or meet them in person.. i am a very cloistered person. i do not like real people in my world… but i am comfortable here… does that make sense???

  2. I think that friendship just occurs naturally, not a stated thing. And there are levels of friendship, each of them equally important, though most think of friend as “the” friend.

    Finding “the” friend is almost like finding “the” spouse. Everyone doesn’t find one or people change as they grow or are influenced by their environment or other people they meet and develop different needs or interests.

    I, also, take everyone at face value, whether that face is internet or live and personal, although, meeting someone in person allows us to be influenced by body language – not that all of us read it correctly — and we all are aware of cunning people who pull off amazing cons, either because the victim couldn’t read the body language or it was well controlled or hidden.

    Whatever part of them people wish to share with us — why let the moment of fun, deep conversation, or just commiserating go by because the tag of friend is not used? Besides, not all of us are capable of the same level of friendship as others.

    Oh, girl, you got me started. We have to trust – to a point, honestly, that point varies person to person for me, but we will always be let down by someone at some time, just as someone will always surprise us by being more than we expect: people are human.

  3. Hi Paisley… my friend. 😀

    Yes I understand. ‘Real people’ are difficult for me as well. Yes, I want to meet people and talk with people, but those are friends like you. Friends that understand what it’s like to live in the mind.

    What I want is to be able share with others and exchange real ideas and concepts. If that makes sense. 😉


  4. Marcia, have I wound you up again? You are right, friendship happen through some mysterious organic process that I really don’t understand. I don’t think I would put anybody into a blanket category of friend, because everyone has different needs and comfort levels.

    Walls fascinate me because when Brian realized I was real, all the walls between us came crashing down. We are learning how to create barriers for privacy but it is a slow process.

    As for us Marcia. I am quite happy with our friendship and enjoy your comments. I like reading your various blogs, when I am out, and I hope that we will always be friends.



  5. Pingback: Tumbled Words » Friends

  6. (((Rose)))

    I’m wondering what the catalyst was for this post; what happened my dear sweet Rose?

    Does building a wall necessarily mean pushing people away, shutting people out?

    I don’t think so.

    I think we all surround ourselves with a form of protection; a protective shell. The boundary varies according to the people we interact with, to the comfort zone we feel in their company, but it doesn’t mean that individual is any less of a friend than another. My friends are not clones of each other; they have different personalities and interests and levels of caring… you just know what is acceptable for one person and what is acceptable for another.

    The same in the blogging world. People who are meant to be more than just blogging friends will naturally gravitate to one another… others will be friendly but on the periphery.

    If I clam up or supposedly ‘erect a wall’ it’s not because I wish to be unfriendly… quite the opposite. It’s more likely because I don’t wish to subject a friend to my innermost thoughts when I think they are pathetic and boring (my thoughts not my friend) and not worthy of airing. Sometimes things are best left unsaid, but it’s not shutting someone out, it’s being considerate.

    I don’t know that I’m making much sense.

    And Rose one more thing… friendship is not based on expectation or even necessarily trust. It just happens from a good feeling and a chemistry. I believe we are friends and I value our friendship, but I don’t ‘expect’ anything from you; you don’t have to give me anything, true friendship goes beyond that.

    Oh boy, have I prattled… sorry.

  7. ((((Ann))))

    There is no catalyst for this post other than the fact I have been very social the last several weeks. And don’t worry about prattling on, that’s what I pay you to do. 😛

    Anyway, you know me, I’m always very curious about how the world works and how I should behave. Sassy, that I can handle.

    Life is wonderful is Ann and I am only beginning to realize that fact. Now, if I could only get himself to agree. 😉

    Love and kisses my sweet sistah and true friend.



  8. Rose,
    I’m a painfully shy person. I’m almost like a vampire. I have to be invited in before I can go in. It is rare that I leave a comment unless I feel I have something to say that will benefit the reader. I also find myself putting foot in my keyboard. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hit the Submit Comment button only to desperately try to undo my comment.

    I guess what I’m saying is that we create a face to meet the faces that we meet. Somehow I am more myself when I am writing than when I am face-to-face.

    I don’t see it as a wall. I just like to think things through. I like to observe before taking action. Nevertheless, there are those special times when things just click. I blog because I enjoy people. I want to learn from others. And I have made friends along the way.

    It has been my experience that friends remain so, even when the events of our lives sweep us in different directions. I cherish each and every person who has touched my life, good or bad. It’s all part of who I am.

    Holy prattling comments inspired by this post, Rose!

    It’s like we’re making posts within posts.

  9. Hi Tamrey,

    Wouldn’t that be a great name for a blog? “Holy Prattling Posts!” 😆

    I understand about commenting. I won’t leave a comment at a new blog, unless it’s for a writing or picture prompt. I don’t feel comfortable in leaving random comments.

    I have a face, a face I made for myself, but there are facets within that face in a face. I am this way on my blog, but I tend to be much sassier in person.

    I feel that this is a special time for us, because we have clicked and I thank you for opening your heart to me.



  10. Rose, I blog because I have always felt like an outsider amongst the ‘normal’ people of the world. In blogland I find people that I can relate to. Other outsiders, if you will. I feel strongly that we understand each other in a way that I do not feel with even my husband. My walls exist in my ‘real’ life. In some ways my blogfriends are some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I wish we all lived nearby so we could meet in person and get together for lunch once in a while. I have found so many different kinds of friends in blogland too, it’s a beautiful and marvelous thing.

  11. Morning Claire,

    I think blogging has proven that we bloggers are the normal ones. 🙄 I would love to have a girl’s party sometime with all the sistahs.

    Understanding can sometimes lead to problems though when all you hear is one side of the issue. That’s why I am always trying to peep over walls. 😉

    For some reason, every post I do, I wind up posting the 13th comment. Good thing I’m not superstitious, knock on wood.



  12. Rose,

    I like to think of walls as hedges. They can be trimmed or cut down, depending on the relationship you build with that person. Sometimes the hedges are just branches, others are gorgeous flowering bushes. Some are thorny & prickly. You can tell a lot from people’s defenses.

    You, girlfriend, are an over the fence talker! You walk right up and state your business, looking for a response. That’s great. Wish I were so honest, curious and outgoing.

    I seek security first. I need to know there is a bond of some kind, an interest, before I dive in. I need to feel needed in a way. That I can give something to the relationship, not just the passerby response.

    I have troubles in leaving comments on those meme days, except for Cats on Tuesdays. So many “strangers”, it’s uncomfortable – my hedges bristle.

    Friendships are slow developers. The best ones build continually. You can feel them grow. It’s like a gate opens up in the hedge for you.

    Be a happy gardener, Rose! You already have a lovely garden to show for yourself. I am so very glad to be one of your prize “plants”! LOL

    Much love, Sistah! OX D 🙂

  13. (((((Diane))))

    I see the problem now. I jumped the hedge with you and have been busy trimming your bush. So sorry. 😉

    Perhaps I need to step back and create a gate with a bell. That way, I can ring the bell and if you feel up to shooting the breeze, we can get together for a drink and gossip. 😀

    Love you and you’ve raised some excellent points. Want to have dinner some time soon?



  14. I always try not to analyse to much into the meaning of friendship. That route leads to expectations and thats not entirely fair, IMO. I take my friends as they come and let “friendship” develop on it’s own terms rather than on mine. I generally consider anyone I talk to, be it online, over the phone or in person, a friend, to some degree or other.

    I generally prefer not saying anything at all rather than saying something inane just for the sake of leaving a comment. For that reason, I rarely post comments on meme posts unless I’m participating in the meme myself, or something about that post stands out for me. I do tend to comment on normal posts more however.

  15. Hi Rav’N, thanks for your thoughts. I agree with commenting, sometimes you’d like to have a button to push saying you read the post.

    I like to leave comments on friends blogs though. It makes me happy to say hello.



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