The Evolving Story of Rose

on the edge of leaping, lost
my focus, the
words hurt
cut me, a
delayed reaction
but true nonetheless
for my blood
is invisible
but pulses
just the same
slower and slower
the edge of vision
goes out of focus
delayed to
my
destination

By Rose Dewy Knickers, May 21st, 2008

***************************************************************
May 21st, 2008. Florida

Dear Diary #1,

I’ve never claimed to understand what happened to me. Never claimed to understand anything at all. After Jo and I talked yesterday I had the notion to blog again. Then the words above came when I saw the prompt at Three Word Wednesday. That always was my favorite day of the week, the place where I felt most at home. Nothing feels like home anymore. I meant what I said when I stopped blogging seven weeks ago, I can’t blog and write. I am writing a lot, my novel is up to 30,000 words and the story is moving along. Lots of work to do though as I don’t even consider ‘MR’ a first draft, but more of an outline. I want to thank all of you in my writers group for your input and suggestions. I know how hard it is to take the time to honestly critique someone else’s work.

So what’s the problem Rose? The poem above is the problem. That’s how I feel, because without writing about me, having a place to call my own, I don’t exist. There is no one in my life for me. No one special sweetie to cuddle in the night. Any volunteers? Don’t all jump up at once! Sorry, got off track. What I’m trying to say is that I need to be visible, not because you’ve forgotten about me, but because I’ve forgotten about me. Being a writer is my calling and in order to be more balanced, I need to write my inner thoughts here as well. What’s the point of being real if I’m hiding from myself? There is no point, that’s a trick question. There’s also no point in not using this space I created to keep the connections that are vital to my well being and state of mind.

I’ll keep this post as the front page and add entries as the whimsy strikes me. Harder! Harder! Ha Ha! I’ll be adding periodically to this diary and new entries will always be on top. I like being on top. You can comment or not, email or not, call me or not, but one thing I won’t have any time for is visiting you. That hasn’t changed in the last seven weeks, there is less time than ever for me and the future is clouded.

Rose

xo

**************************************************************

11 thoughts on “The Evolving Story of Rose

  1. ((((((Rose))))))

    Welcome back my sassy sistah

    You could never be forgotten, not by the people who count, the ones who love you and love your words and yes I’d cuddle up with you… one doesn’t have to be a multiple to have no one curl up against

    As for blogging, I never actually say I’m gonna stop even if that thought does cross my mind from time to time… like you I tend to blog “as the whimsy strikes me”

    Rose, sweetheart, you haven’t lost your magic for writing poetry either
    ❤ u mwahxxxxxx

  2. Rose, so wonderful to hear your honest, sensitive, bawdy voice.
    The poem speaks of what many of us feel, only you more so. How many of us feel invisible, yet hurt? You have a special insight.

    I wrote about thise topic, and I’m including a link because of Rick Mobb’s comments. If you scroll down to his comments, I think you’ll feel very rosy about yourself and your writing, if not downright dewy!

    christine🙂

    http://mariacristina.wordpress.com/2008/05/04/writing-about-myself/

  3. (((((((((((((Rose dahling~**~*~*))))))))))))))), how wonderful to hear from you again. Don’t stop for anything again, hear? I may not visit often, but you are never far from my thoughts.

  4. Rose, tears do not come often to my eyes, and when you announced you were no longer going to be a part of blogging, I accepted your decision as another fact of life, knowing I’d miss you, feel privileged to have “known” you at all, and moved on. Well, these words are, at the moment, a bit blurry. . . . there, I’ve blinked them clear.

  5. The poem is terse, Rose. I’m happy you’re back. Believe me, when you say that “without writing about me, having a place to call my own, I don’t exist,” it’s like you’re talking about any writer worth their thing. That kind writes, or dies, full-stop.

    I’m glad you’re back with some good poems.

  6. ((Rose))
    You’ll be happiest when you can strike a balance between writing and blogging in order to hang out with friends and let your hair down. I believe you’ll figure it out.
    As always
    with love,
    Claire

  7. rose darling!!! i know i haven’t emailed… but i assure you you have been in my heart… i am caught up in my own shit at the moment,, and you know how self centered i am!!!!!!

    but i do love you ever so much,, and when i come out of my little shell,, i promise to write….

    and i am reading i am just not critiquing,, that is not my forte, and i want to see where you lead me……

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s