All the great ones are taken

Rumor
Shake
Spontaneous

June 25th, 2008. Florida

Dear Diary, #5

It comes as no great surprise to see me back here, like a walrus to the beach, I lumber ashore and act surprised to find I can still breathe. The rumor is that I died, but the truth is more prosaic; I simply stopped living. Others are taking a turn at writing on another blog, a secret blog; I’ve contributed posts as well, but nothing can shake the sadness covering my talent. One of these days I will flare again and with rapid thoughts, write spontaneous words and take joy once more.

Rose

xo

P.S. I know this is a broken theme and I humbly acknowledge my inability to pull free of this depression. If I knew how to fix my broken parts I would, but right now I simply push the shards aimlessly around the floor. Nothing fits anymore, I suppose it was meant to be, but what happened to the girl who liked to have fun? I wish I knew. I wish I cared.

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11 thoughts on “All the great ones are taken

  1. I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who has left a comment, sent an email, called on the phone or generally thought of me in any way. I am… I do not have a grasp on my feelings or lack thereof. I feel so inadequate and unworthy of your love yet I crave it so.

    Rose

    xo

  2. and having the feelings of detachment and invisibility,, are what makes you all the more my sister….. sometimes it just feels better to be alone,, and quiet,, and when that is the case,, that is what i do…. LY XXXOOO

  3. First of all, Rose, you are as real as though you were flesh and blood sitting here beside me at my computer, and I’ve an idea every blog friend you have feels the same way. Though I think I understand your unique situation, I’ve always had a problem with the words: meant to be. Unless we really are nothing more than pieces of inert matter on a chess board we call the “Earth” and with no will of our own, how can anything be, “meant to be”? Perhaps I can use that one of these days for my blogsite. With Love, Mary

  4. Sometimes it takes great energy and courage to live – only later does it appear to have been worth it and to confirm that one is indeed worthy of the love offered!

  5. Before anything else

    ((((((((((((((((Rose))))))))))))))))

    Fun is transient; happiness is transient
    we can’t all feel that way all of the time.
    It comes and goes like the waves on the
    shore. Rose, sorry sistah, I think you’ve
    joined the real world…

    love you loads

    your silly sistah ann xxxxxx

  6. The rumor is that I died, but the truth is more prosaic; I simply stopped living.

    I really liked that line. Seems very profound.

    Hope you’re feeling better about your decisions.

  7. I hope you liven up soon. What helped me was to each day was to ask for a little simple thing when I pray, I ask for more joy in my life. I started making lists of these things, ten a day. Sometimes I don’t get to ten, but then somedays it was overflowing. Somedays I am simply joyful for hot water for a cup of tea. I found that just taking notice and feeling joy when I have it makes a big impression on my mood. Hang on and know you are not alone.

  8. hi rose… “..If I knew how to fix my broken parts I would, but right now I simply push the shards aimlessly around the floor. Nothing fits anymore, I suppose it was meant to be, but what happened to the girl who liked to have fun? I wish I knew. I wish I cared….” best part of the whole deal… ditto what ann sed…

  9. (((Rose)))
    I think of you often. I totally agree with Ann. None of us can have fun all the time. It is just the way of life. You’ll find your way.
    Love 2 u sistah,
    Claire

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