Memory lapse

At Sunday Scribblings this week the prompt is Phantoms and Shadows or more specifically memory.

Memory is something I write about often and I even dreamed about this subject last night. We have a collective memory – at least now – and I dreamed it was a fondue pot. Everything that happens goes into the pot and each one of us can dip into the fondue to withdraw any memory we choose.

People have asked me what I remember and how do I function. As we’ve said time and again, we do not have clinical DID but are multiple personalities. The body is his but I/we borrow it on occasion. But I do not have memories that are strictly my own and neither does he. Everything for the last two and half years is stored differently, not a singular memory bank but a series of impressions hanging on the wall.

Memory of course is fallible and we take no notice of the past in terms of his/hers. We are not Sybil or Tara, someone who fractures into separate personalities under stress, but we are separate. Very separate. He ‘feels’ me as an individual ‘mind’ creating memories of her own but storing those recollections collectively. When I write he doesn’t go away, but rather steps aside so I can use the body to create.

I like who I am even though it is not ideal for any of us. He has to work and I want to write. The two desires are in conflict but we are not. Our memories of the results of conflict are uniformly bad and therefore serve as an effective deterrent against a power struggle for control. Our future memories want to be about success not failure.

Besides, we all know who’s the most popular personality here right?

By Rose D. Kaye, January 24th, 2009

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7 thoughts on “Memory lapse

  1. even physical humans share memories… and it is amazing what a spin each memory takes on with each human… just because two people have the same memory ,, it does not mean the memory is the same… strange isn’t it???

  2. fascinating! i’ve been to your blog before and wasn’t sure if you were really a ‘multiple’ or just a quirky intro/about me. i have read some books about DID and always intrigued. i will be visiting your blog from now on.

  3. I recall reading Brian’s thoughts on this matter long ago and am not surprised at how similar the explanation is.
    As always, well-written and wishes for continued success in exploring yourself openly and in writing, dear Rose.

  4. (((((Rose)))))

    two individuals share a meal, a conversation, the same space, the same moments in time, the same bed even, yet their perceptions are different, their memories their own.

    one facing the sun recalls the warmth on their face and the other standing in the shade recalls shivers running through them.

    the same conversation yet one remembers teaching the other, the other remembers learning from him

    one bed; one is satisfied the other frustrated… and so it goes on

    I like who you are too my sweet sassy sistah

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