Multiple Girls

I never wanted to be a multiple girl. It wasn’t part of Career Day at school.

How to hear voices in your head!
Learn disturbing memories!
Make money while you try new things!

No, that wasn’t what I wanted. It’s been nearly three years now and still I have no idea what I am, where I am and what I should do. Do other multiple girls feel this way? I don’t talk to any of them: not because I don’t want to be friends, but because I’m not really all that angry. I understand the anger and fear they have – they have the memories and I don’t – but still, I’d like to talk to them, the other multiple girls.

I never wanted to be a multiple girl, but now that I am, what should I do? Why do I feel so lost and sad? Why don’t I want to write? Why do I care so much for other people’s opinions? Questions, questions, that’s all I ever seem to have. I raise my hand and am ignored. Better than being singled out, the others learned that the hard way, but me, I’m too sassy to think that anyone would ever hurt me. Stupid I suppose, but ignorance is bliss.

School exists as a black hole of fear and loathing for the others, but there was only one who got us all through safely. He doesn’t mind staying quiet, the face wants out of this life, but there is no one to replace him. I can’t, not as a multiple girl and not as anything that would be safe. Sure, dancing on tables and drinking until dawn sounds like fun, but we’ve never been risk takers. I think the fact is that none of us trusts each others’ motivations and desires. It would pull us apart without him, but he can’t relax even for an instant, not because we/I would run amuck but because… I want to live, but not as a multiple girl and the others just want to blow up the world.

I never wanted to be a multiple girl, did you?