What turns you on?

Sunday Scribblings has “Passion” on the mind this week.

The Writers Island has two prompts this week, “Second Chance” and “Perspective”.

Good morning everyone, this is Dewy Knickers here on your favorite day of the week, Friday. And if it’s Friday, then it must be time for Friday’s Mailbag! I know it has been awhile since Rose asked me to post here on her blog, but between my talk show – “Flashing Knickers With Dewy” daily on HBNN – , covering the election and working with Rose to polish her manuscript – coming soon to a bookstore near you – my life right now is quite lacking in passion.

Dear Ms. Knickers,

I am a 33 year old mother of three, two girls and a boy and I love my family very much. I watch your show nearly every day and you always have such good advice that I wanted to ask you a question. Lately my husband has been working late and when he gets home, he doesn’t want to talk. We’ve never had problems communicating before and when I try be affectionate, he withdraws. We haven’t had sex in months now and I’m afraid something is going on. How do I get back the passion in our marriage?

Worried in Suburbia

Dear Worried,

I want you to put things in proper perspective. Men are strange creatures when it comes to work. To many men, providing for their family is the strongest source of pride for them. He considers bringing home a paycheck that allows his wife and children to be comfortable to be the ultimate proof of his love. I realize that many women in your situation may think he’s having an affair, but it is more likely that his job is in jeopardy. Being fired or laid off is the worst blow to a man’s self-esteem that he can suffer. And when he’s a loving family man, like your husband, it’s no wonder he can’t talk about it.

Here’s an idea you can try. Get a babysitter and then book a room at a local hotel for Friday night. That afternoon, go to your husband’s place of work and kidnap him. Seriously, walk in to his office, tell his boss you are taking your husband and leave together. Don’t listen to any protests, put on your ‘Don’t mess with the PMS lady’ look and take charge. The first stop though, is lunch at your favorite restaurant. On the way there, lay out the rules. “Honey, I’m not happy right now and I know you aren’t as well. Tonight isn’t about second chances, but a fresh start for us. We’re going to lunch and we are going to pretend it’s a first date. However, there will be only one question either of us can ask. ‘What turns you on?’ I promise I will be honest. Can you?”

That’s the tough part. On my show I tell women to own their bodies and their sexuality. To be honest to their partners and to themselves. If you like to be on top, then say so. If you want to be spanked, then what’s the fantasy? What turns you on about him? His looks, his scent, his mouth, his penis; ask him for his turn ons in return and tell him nothing is too strange. After your lunch together, check-in to the hotel and go all the way on your first date like you wanted to when you first met. Good luck and fight for your marriage and for your love.

Sincerely,

Dewy Knickers

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Nothing going on

Welcome to Friday at Rose’s place.

That’s all I got today. 😦

“In that case Rose, let me answer a question.”

“Not a problem Dewy, knock yourself out.”

“Good morning, this is Dewy Knickers here, roving reporter for HBNN and the ‘Voice Of Reason‘. Being that it’s Friday, it’s time for another edition of ‘Friday’s Mailbag‘.

Dear Dewy,

I’ve been a real good girl this year and mommy says I can have whatever I want. I was thinking a 36 inch plasma television, or maybe a pony. What do you think I should ask Santa for?

Madison Kortney Fortney

“That’s an excellent question Madison. First of all, the television sounds good, but make sure your local cable or satellite provider offers HD channels and DVR capability. Also, stereo surround sound and input from your laptop for playing games and videos is a must. The pony on the other hand? Well, it eats and poops and although riding sounds like a lot of fun, you know who will be on your butt every day to take care of the mess. My advice, hold out for the TV.”

Dewy Knickers signing off. 😀