And it’s low calorie too

Three Word Wednesday


Market day in Bumhampton-Upon-Stroke was every third Friday, not the Farmer’s Market that was every Saturday, but the Vendor’s Market where baubles and trinkets from all corners of the known world could be had for the right price. Traders and tinkers, merchants and whores, beggars and gentry, nobility and thieves – as if there is a difference – all competed with zest for the coin and barter of the throngs. For Lord Bumhampton he was looking for… well, not ‘gifts’ precisely for his servants, but more of implements that would dissolve certain recalcitrant behaviors on the part of anyone who fancied herself a princess. Such was the hard life of his Lordship, it was enough to make him pull out his hair and howl at the moon like a wolf.

By Rose Dewy Knickers, September 24th, 2008

Moving West




It was Providence that brought them together, a boy from the lower East Side slums and a girl from one of the best Mexican families in the Republic of Texas. The West needed settlers and strong backs to do the work and tattered recruitment posters lured many a person seeking a way out. To agree to the terms was to become a slave of sorts to the company but that was a leap above the conditions most faced in the teeming ghettos. Room and board was priceless and if the scrip was nearly worthless that didn’t mean a cunning street urchin couldn’t run circles around the overseers used to dealing with Indians and Colored folk. But her now, that was as far beyond him as the belles on Park Avenue had been; not because he was poor, but because he was white. There was no doubt her father would seek to execute him when her ‘condition’ became clear but what could he really do?

By Rose Dewy Knickers

September 17th, 2008

Lesson learned: don’t read a strange disk found in the restroom

Hi everyone this is Rose. First off I want to thank everyone for reading the Bawdy Wench one of my alter egos. She’s not what she was but that person is still there. 😉

We went to see “Burn After Reading” this afternoon at our local theater. The movie is R-rated for language and violence and lots of non-graphic sex. It stars John Malkovich, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt but interestingly enough it’s Frances McDormand’s character that steals the limelight. A black comedy “Burn After Reading” revolves around the CIA and what happens when the dynamics of two couple’s lives are changed.

The opening scene has Osbourne Cox [John Malkovich] called into his boss’ office at the CIA and being told he’s being demoted. Osbourne’s favorite word is ‘fuck’ and the various derivations there of and he spends the rest of the movie slowly spinning out of control. His wife Katie [Tilda Swinton] is having an affair with Harry Pfarrer [George Clooney] who in turn, although married to Sandy [Elizabeth Marvel] a successful author of childrens books, is a serial sex addict who trolls internet dating sites when he’s not out jogging. Harry is also very paranoid and begins to see strange men conducting surveillance all around him but believes it’s because of some intelligence operation not because of his constant sex with random women.

One of those random women is Linda Litzke [Frances McDormand] who is drawn into a blackmail plot when her co-worker Chad Feldheimer [Brad Pitt] finds a lost computer disk with CIA secrets at the fitness gym where they both work. The disk has Osbourne’s name on it and after Chad makes the initial call it is Linda who becomes the leader in extortion. Linda is as unstable as Osbourne and even though they never quite meet face-to-face it is her obsession with getting enough money to have plastic surgery and Osbourne’s anger at quitting , being fired, being demoted from the CIA that causes the escalation from ‘fuck you’ to murder. Linda keeps driving the movie forward with her insane ideas and determination to get what is hers, namely the right to have her insurance pay for her necessary cosmetic surgery. When she meets Harry who in between bouts of sex with Katie Cox is building a gift for his wife and finding other women online, she believes she may have found the ‘One’.

The movie ends back at the CIA with Osbourne’s boss expressing bewilderment over the chain of events that has resulted in so much chaos and the Director closing the file with the statement to the effect that at least they’ve learned to never do again whatever it was they did.

This movie doesn’t make any sense and that’s why it’s funny; it doesn’t make any sense. Nothing in the entire movie makes sense and in a sense, that’s the point. Our world doesn’t make sense and when people’s emotions get in the way of reality, bad things happen to people who are not exactly pure as the driven snow. Suffice it to say, not one character in this movie is worthy of sympathy and that at least makes sense.